There comes a point where you miss someone so much that you can hear their voice echo in your head and you can hear the names that they used to call you, the words they used to tell you. you memorized their laugh, their smile and their silly ways. You can also feel their arms around you and you don’t want to let go even though you know it’s just an illusion.

Everytime you hear their name, your heart beats 100 times faster and somtimes, you can’t even breathe. You knew that looking back on the tears would make you laugh, but you never knew that looking back on the laughs would also make you cry. All you want is to go back in time. Not to the time that you first met, to the time that you were known as nothing, but strangers. But no matter what, you’re in denial. You hide your feelings so no one would know. You put on a fake smile and don’t let a single tear break through. You’re so used to hiding your feelings that you don’t even realize the pain you’re causing for yourself. Your thoughts becomes invisible. it’s still there, but no ones knows. Like a love letter you never sent. You’re hurting no one but yourself.

Dear Love of My Life,

I’m never going to send you this because you will laugh.  I’m never going to send you this because you’ll never be mine again, and after six months of fighting, I’m done. That doesn’t mean I don’t love you, or that I don’t think about you everyday, because I do. There are so many things I want to tell you, but you wont listen. I find myself on rooftops shouting “I love you, I love you, I love you”. If I could i would tell you a thousand billion times, and never get sick of the smile you’d wear. I hope the butterflies come back, and i hope they’d carry you home. I am your home and you are mine.

I need you so much in my life, that I hold onto the pain because it’s all i have left of you. People say that the pain will go away, but I’m not sure that’s where I want it to go. It’s the only way I feel anything anymore. Would you believe that after all you’ve put me through, I still love you, I still care, you still own my heart. Without you I am, as you once said you’d be without me, “an empty shell”.

I remember everything, and I know you do too. I compare everyone to you. Everything connects to you. When I try to forget you, I am constantly reminded  of our lost love.

I always wonder: do you ever think of me? Do you ever miss me? Does the thought of me ever make you cry? But I’m never going to send you this, because I’m afraid that you really dont care.

Comfortable – John Mayer